The secret is out

I write for Chuck, the actual show, so after the jump, I'm sharing the redacted version of the script.  Fan fiction is my apology.  No, not really.  Anyway, I for one loved the episode, even if Sarah didn't do the flash face.  It was a bit like old times.  It was funny, spy-y and had a good dose of drama.  Bu-ut, cannon stole one of my plots.  Dammit.  At least, when the time comes, mxpw will be able to vouch for me.  In the meantime, I had one of my weird moments – remember chapter 11 of Chuck vs. The Fight?  This is in the same vein.  All tongue in cheek.  So without further ado, after the jump, my Saturday morning drabble. 

ACT 1
Scene 3

[Early afternoon.  Casey’s apartment.  Morgan, Casey, Chuck and Sarah are standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, drinking coffee.  Producer’s note:  Due to WB getting an early start on breaking down the set, Casey no longer has furniture.  We apologize for the inconvenience.  *Note to self: borrow mugs from Buy More break room*]

[Everyone sips.]

Morgan:      Well, I love it.  You know how I feel about bullets, which is to say – negatively.  This is fantastic.

Casey:        Where do I fit in?  What am I?  Chief Googler?

Sarah:        Well actually you’ll be doing a lot of the same stuff you already do.

Chuck:        Yeah.  I mean we’re still gonna need fields ops to recover stolen systems and breaching companies’ security to find their weak spots…

Casey:        [Grunts]

Morgan:      Plus, wouldn’t it be lovely not to get shot at?

Chuck:        Exactly.  Aren’t you sick of being shot at?

Sarah:        Or getting shot.  I mean, you get shot a lot.

Casey:        Not considering how much I get shot at.

Chuck:        [Agreeably] Hmm

Sarah:        [Agreeably] Hmm

[Everyone sips.]

Morgan:      Okay, think about Alex.  Do you know how happy she will be knowing you’re not out there doing scary stuff?

Casey:        [Considers.  Grunts] All right, I’ll think about it.  But one thing’s for sure, if we go through with this, no more Buy More.  We don’t need a cover.  Let’s kick the creepy cousin out of the family.

Morgan:      [Pensively] Wow.  No more Buy More.

[Everyone sips.]

Chuck:        Problem.

Sarah:        What?

Chuck:        There has to be a final mission.  There’s always a final mission.

Morgan:      Problem.  We have three episodes left, plus this one.  Final four missions?

Chuck:        It doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Sarah:        Maybe we’ll have more sexy times?  Or I could have a birthday?

Chuck:        Doubtful.

Sarah:        [Sighs wistfully] Yeah.

Morgan:      So, one final mission at a time.  Any ideas?

[Everyone sips.]

Casey:        There’s time for a kidnap.  [Points his mug at Chuck] It’s your turn.

Sarah:        Great.  I get to do the rescuing and again no Emmy nomination for my trouble.

Chuck:        Yeah, that was a bummer.  I was grateful, though.

Sarah:        You’re welcome, sweetie.

Casey:        Also don’t forget the Walker curse.

Morgan:      What’s the Walker curse?

Sarah:        Every time I try to quit badguyery, the Intersect fucks it up.

Morgan:      Oh.  Who do you think’s gonna upload it this time?

Casey:        Don’t look at me.  I’m getting too old for Kung Fu.

Sarah:        [Rolls her eyes] Fine, I’ll do it.

Chuck:        That would actually be awesome.

Sarah:        Not if they make you my handler.  According to the CIA protocol we’ll have to get a divorce or else you’ll be reassigned.

Chuck:        Oh.  Well that sucks.

Sarah:        Yeah.  I’ll be a single parent.

Chuck:        [Confused] I thought the peace sign means ‘no’.

Sarah:        It does.  The little ‘flip the bird’ means you’re screwed.

Chuck:        I still think it looks like an arrow.

Sarah:        Actually it looks like a tiny…

Chuck:        Sarah!

Sarah:        I was going to say finger.

Chuck:        Sure you were.

Casey:        [Grunts] Hey, June, Ward, focus.

Chuck:        Sorry. 

[Everyone sips.]

Sarah:        Which version of the Intersect do you think I'll get?

Chuck:        Well, 1.0 was upgraded to 2.0.

Morgan:      Which was turned into version Douche.

Casey:        And 3.0 is actually in a douche.

Chuck:        Omen and all.

Morgan:      [To Sarah] Are you gonna color your hair?  Frosted tips won’t work on the blond.

Sarah:        I don’t know.  [To Chuck] Should I go black again?

Chuck:        I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on you.  Unless it’s with Bo Derek.

Sarah:        You want to cheat on me with Bo Derek?

Chuck:        She is Bo Derek.

Sarah:        Good point.  Okay, if you meet Bo Derek, I give you permission to fill her body with rainbows.

Chuck:        Thanks, sweetie.

Morgan:      You lost the poster, huh?

Sarah:        Ewww!

Chuck:        [Defensively] I was fifteen.

Morgan:      He was twenty-three.

Chuck:        [Sighs dreamily] I was.

[Everyone who would’ve had coffee left had we given you real coffee, sips]

Morgan:      [To Casey] Hey, did you remember to put sunscreen on Jeff?